I Don't Hate Baby Jesus

Let's be clear before the Christmas ranting begins. I don't hate baby Jesus. He bears no responsibility in this Christmas nightmare we endure each year. In fact, he's probably mortified. How was he to know that his birthday celebration would turn into greed, anarchy and despair? Unfortunately, there's no specific individual to blame for the gift-buying frenzy, holiday traffic, and need to travel at Christmastime. We just share the blame of perpetuation I guess.

Christmas always starts out innocently enough. You start hearing carols in the stores before Thanksgiving even hits, but that's okay, because who doesn't like Christmas carols? If you live where it snows, you get a nip in the air or even some early snows. You start to think Christmas is such a wonderful time of the year--glad tidings to all. But after Thanksgiving, things turn ugly. It's every man for himself. People come out of the woodwork, crowding the malls, forcing you to stand in long lines to get gifts. And why do I always pick the wrong line, the one where someone is writing a damned check? Who even writes checks anymore? It's called a debit card, people. Works the same. Best Buy has it down. Make one line and then feed that to the registers. Then there's no room for mistakes that involve me being furious with fellow shoppers who have chosen wisely in the line lotto.

The problem is that everything is crammed into the four weeks of December--decorating, holiday parties, work parties, Christmas card mailing, secret Santa, holiday visiting, and the dreaded baking. Cripes, I've done more and spent more in the first two weeks of December than I have all year. Is it any wonder that I'm agitated? Can't some of this craziness be spread into January--at least the parties? I don't think Jesus would mind. Isn't he the forgiving type? I'm certain he doesn't want me agitated on his big day. If everyone could also agree to a moratorium on Christmas cards, imagine the relief, the joy even. I can't count the number of people who have indicated to me what a chore it is and how they wish it would just end. Imagine the cost savings and the environmental impact. If you haven't checked in with people all year, do you really need to now?

I want to be joyful, I really do. I just don't have time to be now. As I'm writing this, I'm thinking, oh, I need to remember to get Christmas envelopes ready for the postman and the paper delivery guy. And I have to make more cookies for when the relatives get here. And will Amazon just deliver my stuff already? Jesus.